Hurt and Goodbyes.

I just ended things with a man I was seeing for 2 years. Shit was hard. We never officially was a couple but it was a relationship nonetheless. I cared for him. I loved him. I still do…that won’t change. I want something he can’t give me. A commitment. Monogamy. This is new territory for me. I’ve been divorced for 4 years and we separated 2 years prior. I haven’t been in a relationship since….until this. We’ve met and talked on and off social media for 6 years. But the last 2 we’ve been meeting to see each other, investing time and energy into one other. I didn’t expect it to get to this point. I wasn’t looking for a relationship with him because I already knew it wasn’t an option, plus I wasn’t ready. This shit hurts. I know I want something more. Something much much better. And I’m hopeful I will find it.





I woke up this morning, after my shower, talked to God, had some quiet time. Decided to get on Instagram because I had a notification. Scrolling through my IG feed, almost everybody had reposted a video still of one of her videos. She had released a visual album and of course everyone was going crazy. “Queen” “The Best” “King B” all of these names to describe her. While I love music, love videos and love Beyonce like the next person, I’ve noticed this obsession with all things Beyonce is now on a different level. People are putting her up on a pedestal, idolizing her as if she has some kind of “SuperPower.” Beyonce is a regular person just like you and me. She’s not a god, she has no “Heaven” or hell to put you in, so why obsess over a person? At the end of the day, she is not paying your bills or taking care of your kids. She’s just doing her job. She has chosen a career of entertainment. To be in the entertainment industry and to be as big as she has become, there are certain requirements in order to get there and stay there.

She has to look good at all times. She has to stay in shape, work out on a consistent basis. Not just to physically look good but also for her vocals and breathing while dancing and singing at the same time. She has to watch what she eats everyday which means she has to stay disciplined. Practicing all hours of the night, long hours in the night in 5″ inch heels. Wearing corsets and body suits to make her look more like an hourglass. And she does this all while smiling like she’s comfortable, just to get the perfect picture in the perfect dress, because you know, “pretty hurts.”

I see it everywhere, Facebook, Instagram, quotes that all show Beyonce and JayZ as the best couple ever in history. How everyone wants a relationship like Bey and Jay….you don’t know what’s going on in their relationship. All you see is what they want you to see. and apparently that’s “drunk in love.” There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging the love a couple has for each other but don’t ever want what someone else has. You have NO idea what it took for them to get where they are nor how much it takes for them to stay where they are.

Unlike you and me, Beyonce has a team of people around her to help her with WHATEVER she needs. She doesn’t have to  carry her own bags through the airport or take her daughter with her to a meeting because she can’t find a babysitter. She doesn’t have to worry about cleaning, cooking or doing her own grocery shopping. Simple, mundane, core activities that we HAVE to partake in, all Beyonce has to do is call on someone else to do these things for her. While her assistant is calling in new flowers to be flown in for the dinner party, Beyonce is off in front of a camera with a full face of makeup, looking “flawless”, lip-syncing as the camera records her next masterpiece.

Almost like she’s obsessed with working, can’t think of nothing else but to do it bigger than she did the last time. And who’s gon stop her? She has no competition. She can take her time and put out an album when she wants or she can film for over a year and drop 14 songs with 17 videos at one time all because….why not? Who’s gonna stop her? Who’s gonna tell Beyonce no? And if they did, as long as Beyonce KNOWS that her fans are going to eat that shit up and swallow it, she’s going to do it because right after dropping it, she’s hitting another world tour to bank another 25 million for her next child who she has decided to have in 2015. That’s putting more money in the pockets of those at the record label. Yes, there is money that is being put out but a world tour for Beyonce (no less) will bank in even more than what was cashed out to promote, lighting and videography.

More than anything I believe that Beyonce has a fear of failure. A fear that one day everything will disappear and she will no longer live the luxurious lifestyle that she now lives. Its in that moment she felt her career was over. The moment she felt controlled by other people…as if the life was being sucked out of her. It is a memory..she is “haunted” by the feeling of stifled creativity. Once she realized that her hard work was paying off, that people really was listening and that her fans were going to love her regardless if they felt she had really gave birth to “Blue”, or that she was “no angel,” she knew that whatever she put out to the fans, they were going to love it.

Truth is, she can’t say what she really wants to say especially in interviews. She can’t say, I knew my fans would go crazy if I released the album packaged with videos. I knew my name would be all over the TV screen, across every internet site, on every blog, all throughout Instagram and tweeted for months to come. I can’t say I had already planned this because it has been proven in time past. What she can’t say is, I do think I’m a bad bitch and I really do want all these other chicks who sing and dance to bow down and “blow” me because I am KING B. She can’t say it so she allows herself the freedom to say these things in her songs. Fame…it really is a bless and a curse. An obsession to be on top and stay on top. A blessing to see your hard work sky “rocket” to the top, to have the ability and resources to live out loud creatively.


By no means am I “Jealous” of Beyonce, of her success, of her influence on the world. That could be further from the truth. My concern is that in 2013 we are so celebrity obsessed that at 3 o’clock in the morning, we’re disturbing our friends from their much needed slumber about some songs that can wait until sunlight to listen to. Tomorrow, your life will go on. There is nothing in your life that will change as a result of your downloading this album. Its for entertainment. For you to listen and dance and have a good time. There are some things that you can learn from Beyonce but remember that her situation is TOTALLY different from yours. She can be a working mom because she has thousands of people waiting for her phone call so that they can go to work….for her. Us regular people don’t have those privileges. We Have to get up and go to work in the morning. If we don’t have the resources, we figure it out or make do without it.



Everyone has an opinion. This one’s “Mine.”



The saying goes: “A woman should be so wrapped up in God that a man has to seek God to find her” I understood it, but now it seems that a light has been turned on and I can clearly see the meaning now.

A woman has to be wrapped up in God and the things of God. She has to be in tune with God Himself, before she even meets her husband. And likewise with the husband. He has to be so wrapped up in the things of God, with a heart that wants what God wants so much so that the two of them together in turn end up wanting the same things. Their hearts are in tandem and in connection with one another in the spirit First before they even set eyes on each other. No one knows this is happening except the Father because He sees all and connects all. When their two heartbeats are in one rhythm, when their spirit beings are in line with one another, that’s when God will connect the two naturally. He will open the eyes of the man, as He did Adam, and He will open up the eyes of the woman so that they both can see what God has already seen and what God has already known from the beginning of time.

Sounds like a love letter to me….


Even though I’m full of you I still feel empty.

This body is just a shell.

There is nothing to fill my heart…therefore it is useless.

I want to be filled, full–wanting nothing.

Full of love from one heart to another.

Love so close together that they overlap to become ONE,

so that there is no division, no line of demarcation, just sheer unadulterated…..


Erykah Badu No Love

The Helpers and The Hinderance

There are two types of people in your life–The Helpers and The Hinderance. People come either to help you or to hinder you. What and how you react to either is up to you. You can either accept the hinderance and spend your life being miserable or you can push past them, push through them and use them to get to the next stage of your life.

The Helpers are there to help you with some aspect of your life. They’re not meant to solve all your problems but to be that bridge, that ram, the help you need for that particular time in that particular moment. They’re not always there to stay. They’re just there to help you get to that next challenge, that next obstacle, that next hinderance.

Both come in different forms and in unexpected packages. Regardless of when they come or how they come, be assured that they are there. All around you. You just have to open your eyes and see them for who they are. You may find that your hinderance helped you in some way or that your helper is secretly hindering you.

Don’t forget to turn the mirror on yourself. Are you a Hinderance in someone’s life or a Helper?

If That Doesn’t Work, Try Something Else!

I know it’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything on my blog. Life got in the way and recently my mind has been churning with a lot of nothing!! I kept thinking of possible things I could blog about but then I couldn’t come up with enough words to complete my thought. I attended an online webinar about blogs and started to think about my niche. This was a few weeks ago. I couldn’t think of anything until today. I thought about something I enjoy doing and something I feel I can blog about everyday….it’s pretty much what I already do on my Facebook page–>

I love encouraging others and I try to find the “silver lining,” the good amongst the bad, in every situation I encounter. I believe there is a lesson in everything we go through in life. This attitude comes from my love of God, Jehovah, Jesus…all of the above. I am a Christian, a Believer whose heart is set towards God’s own heart. So in my future blogs, there will be talk about Almighty, the Creator, my Heavenly Father as I love to call Him. As well as words to help inspire, encourage and hopefully cause you to think differently about life.

I’m not interested in forcing people to become a Christian or force feeding people my beliefs, but simply to share what He is in my life. I am an Encourager as Jesus was. And I believe that people don’t need another person trying to make them be something they might not be interested in nor do they need another person telling them what they’re doing wrong.

With that being said, my future blogs will be encouraging words or situations I might have found myself in, thoughts that come to me as I wake up in the morning or right before I fall asleep at night, or thoughts that come to me as I weave in and out of traffic–inspiration comes from anything and at any moment and I pay close attention. 

I hope you enjoy and I’m gonna TRY to post at least once everyday…especially now that I have the time. Thanks for being patience with me!